Yes I remember this date… Maybe I should tell something about this Christmas or about people I’ve seen… Mycroft, Lucia, Solvejg, Yazoo, Kisaki, Light-kun… Words are somewhere on the tip of my tongue… But I’m too tired to say something.

How could I forget…

I don’t know what is that. I can’t even realize this feeling. It just hurts. So many thoughts… and no answer.

I hope that I can manage it… that would be… amazing.

If you go away too I don’t know what will be with me… But if you want to I’ll understand even if I don’t want you to go. … Why it was so difficult to believe my words when it wasn’t so? You say that I take all your energy… but when I asked you to not give it to me you didn’t listen… You called me the happiness as now you call me … I can’t understand that. You prefer to trust and than to be disappointed but I bet you have never thought what should feel I in this case. Doesn’t matter. I just should realize that you aren’t the one that will stay around as long as it may take me to turn around and see that you’re still here…

Too tired of life to be alive…

The more I live the more I hate life. The more I hate people. The more I hate all this fucking existence. It would be better if I wouldn’t exist at all.

And yeah, today would be 2 years together if you wouldn’t a son of a bitch that cares only about yourself.

That was the worst weekend over a long time. I did nothing I have to do, I’m sick and I have a headache. I met Light-kun and for three days we were arguing. Saturday night we came to meet Solvejg, she was drinking and smoking a lot. We sang. She cried. I… Next day she came to my place, we tried to quiet her a bit even if it’s almost useless… I guess I didn’t manage to. I got drunk after a weak cocktail of Absinth. All was wrong. I argued with Mycroft and I… I’m so tired of that. All that. Some smiles, some warm, some embraces, yeah, sure. But actually I’m so sick with this life. Tired. I want just to close my eyes and to never wake up again.

I don’t know why I’m writing this post. I have no intention to write and no idea to express myself… I just want… to make an imprint or something like that. I’ m between high power of reflections, warmth of my friend and everyday problems. Funny jokes, some amusing lessons, long conversations, tired sighs, bitter half-smiles… a heartache. Music, exhaustion, complains, haze and at time something like happiness. At times. That’s even strange.

The first day of a Winter… I want snow…